Book review continues

The Lessons of Love: Rediscovering Our Passion for Life When It All Seems Too Hard to Take Melody Beattie **** must read Journey to the Heart: Daily Meditations on the Path to Freeing Your Soul Melody Beattie * not a good read for me The Lost Art of Compassion PH. D. Lorne Ladner * pretty deep Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life (Borzoi Books) Karen Armstrong * like AA The Second Greatest Story Ever Told Gorman Bechard *** a little bizarre-- has the daughter of God coming to Earth The Greatest Story Ever Told Fulton Oursler *** the story of Christ, I loved reading it The Second Greatest Story Ever Told Les Ullrich two thumbs down-- Lots of Candles, Plenty of Cake (Random House Large Print) Anna Quindlen two thumbs down The Greatest Love Story Ever Told two thumbs down Audrey Hepburn: A Secret Life Stuart J. Byczynski two thumbs down Blind Your Ponies Stanley Gordon West **** a good story, a bit boring in parts but a good read Blood Red Road (Dustlands, Book 1) Moira Young ** good Lost in Shangri-La: A True Story of Survival, Adventure, and the Most Incredible Rescue Mission of World War II **** a must read House of Prayer No. 2: A Writer's Journey Home Mark Richard * okay Say Her Name: A Novel Francisco Goldman *** pass Bigger than a Bread Box Laurel Snyder *** glad my niece had me read this one The Diamond of Darkhold (Ember, Book 4) Jeanne DuPrau The Ember book one The starling Book two The Prophet of Yonwood (Ember, Book 3) *** a very good series-- maybe better than the Hunger games The Oversoul Seven Trilogy: The Education of Oversoul Seven, The Further Education of Oversoul Seven, Oversoul Seven and the Museum of Time (Roberts, too weird for me Just shows you have to read a lot of books to find a good one.

I also have a broomstick

This is your life

Forgiveness

Thoughts that make me smile

Courage Doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying: " I will try again tomorrow" The greatest gift we can give to those who have left us is to live fully in their place. She packed all her potential and all she had learned, grabbed a cute pair of shoes and headed out to change a few things. I am fairly certain that given a cape and a nice tiara, I could save the world.

No regrets

So live your life that the fear of death can never enter your heart. Trouble no one about their religion, respect others in their view, and demand that they respect yours. Love your life, perfect your life, beautify all things in your life. Seek to make your life long and its purpose in the service of your people. Prepare a noble death song for the day when you go over the great divide. Always give a word or a sign of salute when meeting or passing a friend, even a stranger, when in a lonely place. Show respect to all people and grovel to none. When you arise in the morning give thanks for the food and for the joy of living. If you see no reason for giving thanks, the fault lies only in yourself. Abuse no one and no thing, for abuse turns the wise ones to fools and robs the spirit of its vision. When it comes your time to die, be not like those whose hearts are filled with the fear of death, so that when their time comes they weep and pray for a little more time to live their lives over again in a different way. Sing your death song and die like a hero going home

Live one day

Live one day at a time and make it a masterpiece... avoid negative sources, people, places and habits; Believe in yourself: Consider things from every angle don't give up or give in everything you're looking for lies behind the mask you wear family and friends are hidden treasures, seek them and enjoy their riches Give more than you planned to Hang on to your dreams if opportunity doesn't knock, build a door judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it keep trying no matter how hard it seems love yourself make it happen never lie, steal or cheat open your arms to change but don't let go of your values Practice makes perfect quality not quantity in anything you do remember that sometimes silence is the best answer stop procrastinating take control of your own destiny understand yourself in order to better understand others Visualize when you lose, don't lose the lesson Xcellence in all your efforts you are unique nothing can replace you Zero in on your target and go for it a to Zen of Life

Eternal Flame

Our time has come to say goodbye and though I am gone I did not die I'm in your thoughts, I'm in your heart, I'm by your side, though we're apart. So when life seems to be unfair, remember the light and I will be there. Whenever you need to, say my name, I'm there inside an internal flame.

Visitors

The young women in the ward has been so kind and dropped by cookies, treats, letter and cards. I love to see their smiling faces. The other night they stopped by and Heather answered the door. The asked " is your mother home?" Heather replies "nope". The other day ( or should I say just about every day!!! ) Frodo got out and two little girls brought him home. They knock on the door and I talk to them from the window. We found your dog Oh thank you, can you please just open the door and let him in? yes Do you have any kids? No, they are all gone up and moved away Do you live my yourself? yes, I do can we come in? Yes, you can Can we come upstairs? yes, you can Can we go in your yard? yes, you can I look out the window and they are playing but now a grandpa has joined them they leave but lucky come back Knock knock knock can we swim in your pool? yes, you can I think I am going to let Frodo out more and see what he brings home

Stop Seeking Out the Storms & Enjoy More Fully The Sunlight

Today

Yes, he does

May I always find the time

Hunter 5th birthday Celebration vacation

Pictures to come

the most

History of suicide by Jill Bialosky

This is sad book. I am not sure I liked it but I learned from it. These are the words I want to remember: I now live in two realms: the realm of the ordinary world of getting up in the morning and making coffee, answering the phone, and going to work, the world of traffic and noise and obligations: and the realm of stopped time where my sister is dead and I was shrouded in confusion of her loss. I do not know how we are going to survive Kim's death but I also knew that grief was private and a journey each of us would have to make alone. You are tired of living, and you say : life is an evil. Sooner or later you will be consoled and you will say: life is good. you will be closer to the truth without reasoning any better: for nothing will have changed but you. That being so change right away, and since all the evil is in the ill disposition of your soul, amend your disorderly affections and do not burn your house down to avoid the bother of putting it in order We do not want to comprehend that people may and do die of emotional pain, and recognize the terror in ourselves when we cannot seem to help someone in despair-- when our words are empty. My soul is oppressed with the weight of life. For a long time it has been a burden to me: I have lost everything that could have endured it to me, only the sorrow remains to me. Speak to my heart: I am ready to hear you but remember that despair cannot easily be fooled. The DMS-IV ( diagnostic statistical manual of psychological disorders) calls this condition post-traumatic stress syndrome. But I prefer to call it simply disbelief. There are certain things in life for which we can never be prepared. I do not know how David was able to made me laugh again. I don't know how we had the courage to embrace hope. Nothing in fact, actually dies: everything goes on existing, always. No power on earth can obliterate that which has once had being. Every act, every word, every form, every thought, falls into the universal ocean of things, and produces a ripple on its surface that goes on enlarging beyond the furthest bounds of eternity. The most mysterious part of grief is that you think you can will it away. You can refuse to think about it. In one part of your mind you can hold it, but sometimes you have to let it go. You often war with it. You grieve for a lifetime because those we love are a part of us even after they have left us, even after they have betrayed us, and our love for them, by taking their life with their own hands. Some times grief comes to visit again like a long lost friend. It is mysterious, but never take it for granted. Get to know it well as you know your best friend. In moments when I should have been happy, I sometimes fretted. At times, in secret, I succumbed to periods where I wanted to spend mornings sleeping or lingering in the bedroom, sometimes almost paralyzed by a heaviness and mysterious fatigue that would not lift. At times I viewed the world darkly: isolated and consumed by a sense of foreboding, I thought the only those who had experienced the loss of a loved on could understand. During those periods it was as if I was only going through the motions of living. Time doesn't really heal, it only makes living more bearable.

Bad day

Endure

Family

The Weird Sisters by Eleanor Brown

We all have stories we tell ourselves. We tell ourselves we are too fat, or too ugly, or too old or too foolish. We tell ourselves these stories because they allow us to excuse our actions and they allow us to pass off the responsibility for things we have done - maybe to something within our control but anything other than the decisions we have made. Your story, is the story of your sisters. And it is past time, I think, for you to stop telling that particular story and tell the story of yourself. Stop defining yourself in terms of them. You don't just have to exist in the empty space they leave. There are times in our lives when we have to realize our past is precisely what it is and we cannot change it. But we can change the story we tell ourselves about it and by doing that, we can change the future.

Hunter and his 5 trophies

The Oak Tree

A mighty wind blew night and day. It stole the oak tree's leaves away. Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark, until the oak was tired and stark. But still the oak tree held its ground, while other trees fell all around. The weary wind gave up and spoke "How can you still be standing, Oak?" The oak tree said, "I know that you can break each branch of mine in two carry every leaf away, shake my limbs and make me sway. But I have roots stretched in the earth growing stronger since my birth. You'll never touch them , for you see they are the deepest part of me. Until today, I wasn't sure of just how much I could endure but now I've found with thanks to you I"m stronger than I ever knew " thank you Dianna

Grief is Like a River

My grief is like a river I have to let it flow But I myself determine just where the banks will go Some days the current takes me in waves of guilt and pain but there are always quiet pools where I can rest again I crash on rocks of anger my faith seems faint indeed but there are other swimmers who know that what I need Are loving hands to hold me when the waters are too swift and someone kind to listen when I just seem to drift Grief's river is a process of relinquishing the past by swimming in Hope's channels I'll reach the shore at last.

I like this

Dear Optimist, Pessimist and Realist, While you guys were busy arguing about the glass of water, I drank it! Sincerely, The Opportunist

Yes it has been

Tomorrow

So true

Solitude of being

I just finished reading the mermaid chair by Sue Monk Kidd. I think everyone feels this way some time or other.

My life had started to go stagnant, like it was atrophied. Everything shrunk down to the rules I played. I loved doing them but they were drying up and they weren't really me. I felt like there had to be some other life beneath the one I had, like a river or something and that I would die if I didn't dig down to it. Back there, somewhere, I'd lost that solitude of being that told me who I was. The whole mystery of myself.

Explain to me how this happens

We had a wonderful time at the Zermatt. We arrived Friday afternoom, checked in, walked the gounds. Ambree had a map of the property and a list of things she wanted to do. We had time before dinner so we did a little shopping, stopped by to look at the crater and then I showed Hunter the tree hit by lightning. The Friday night seafood buffet was unbelievable delishous, although a bit pricy. Then we went swimming till late, back to grandma's room for room services and TV.
The next morning 9:00 came too early, pancake breakfast with Kyler, Kinley and Shae was just right, no ordering, and they had chocolate chip pancakes , blueberry pancake and hot chocolate. Head down starts to color eggs and then had a little time before the easter egg hunt so we went shopping again. Bought a few things! Then back for the hunt in absolutely beautiful weather. We had bags and baskets mixed with coats that we did not need. Everyone got a basket full of eggs. After the hunt it was off to our free carousel ride and time to check out.

We are parked out front ready to go. I am looking for my purse to tip the bellhop. I cannot find it in all the mess. Then my phone rings and I answer it. It is Holly. Her brother is at the Zermatt and has my wallet. I call him and we both walk 20 feet and meet at the carousel.

I guess while we were shuffling all the eggs, coats, baskets and purses, my wallet dropped in the dark ground cover. My wallet is black and was not noticed. A young boy still out from the egg hunt finds it and walks up to a perfect stranger and asks him to turn it into the office. The stranger was Hollys brother. He opens the wallet to see if there is a number to contact the owner as everyone is leaving as the hunt is over. He immediately recognizes Robert Dewitt, calls Holly, who calls me and Viola the missng wallet is return.

Now here is another wierd thing. The last time we were at the Zermatt, while we were parked out front ready to leave, I also found someone wallet and had to return it.

How do these things happen. It is a small world.

Zermatt ---- Here we come!!!

Kids say the darnest things

From Shae:
Both of my kids loved your Easter card but Kins was so cute I had to share with you. Yesterday when she opened the card she danced around with the card at first of coarse and then opened the card up to the window. When Cam asked what she was doing she looked at him like he was retarded and said "playing the song for the flowers duh" then later she asked me if I have seen any flower because she didn't and asked if she could bring her card out side for the flowers? Ha ha

Then last night she is laying in bed and yells Mom I made it rain!!!
Both Cam and I with horrible thoughts in our head run into her room expecting to find a hole in her ceiling or a cup of water dumped all over her bed... When we went in there we found nothing and asked her what she meant. And with a big smile on her face she points out the window and says mom I made it rain so the flowers would grow they liked my song I played for them:)

From Brent:
We dropped Amy off at the airport at 7am.
I tried to talk Hunter and Ambree into skipping school and going fishing. But both said they wanted to go to school and then go fishing after they get out. I don't think either of them are really my kids

From Grandma:
Tuesday night Kyler and Kinley were over. We went to get bubble gum ice cream. We got back and we up to the bedroom to watch a movie. Kyler " grandma give me the remote" He picks something like " bubble head" looks like south park. He tells me they were watching it this morning but his mom and dad do not like them to watch it.

The Kinley says in her saddest little girl voice" oh yeah grandma, my mom and dad are real mean to us, real mean"
What do you say to that, I just grim.
Being the grandma is just the greatest!

Dansko Shoes-- I am addicted

I have jsut gotten my 6th pair of Dansko shoes. I love them and want more!!! Everytime I get them Brent catches me sneaking them into the house. Today I " got my easter" shoes in without anyone seeing them. Just know tomorrow the first words out of everyone mouth is " aren't those new shoes!" Yes they are and I love them

Love to the Martin family

Dear Damon,

I think of you every day

I purposely drive by your house whenever I go out

I look for all the cars that will be there

And I look for when no cars are there at all

Mostly I think of you at night

As I lay in bed alone , in my house alone

And I think, I know how you feel and I want so much to do something

Wonderful, magically, spiritual for you to help you

But I have nothing

Sometimes I have an idea

Sometimes I think of something clever

But I never follow through

It is too much

It is too hard

My reach out button is broke

To give to someone you have to have something to give

There has to be more to yourself to give

And there is nothing here

I love you

I love Tracy

I love your kids

And I love your parents

Always, always each of you have been wonderfully kind to my family and me

To not reach out shows ingratitude for all you have done for us

When Rob was sick your mom and dad were so kind to drop by

And your dad always brought jam

I want to be that kind of person

I have been that kind of person

But not today

Today I can only send my love

My thoughts and my prayers for you and your family

Today I can reach out just a little bit, nothing fancy, nothing great or memorable

Just sending my love

I was head downwards the week before Tracy passed away

It was bad

And then when I thought, I needed to change it around

Your families loss, put me further down the road than I wanted to be

I went away for conference determined to prepared and listen to the special message at conference that was just for me

Something that would help heal my heart

Imagine my surprise when talk after talk was for me and helped me to find hope, love and my saviors message just for me

Today I am grateful

Today I have hope

Today I see a tomorrow

Today I am sending my love to you

Today I am praying for you

Today I am thinking about you and hoping that you will find just one little ray of sunshine in your day and know that you are loved

Today my prayer is for angels to attend you, to carry you and to lighten your load

Today I hope you feel Tracy around you and her joy and love

I would love to drop this off in person but I know I would never make it to your door

I might be able to make it to the mail box but not sure

It would probably sit in my purse until I talked myself out f sending it

But I saw you posted on facebook and think maybe an email will reach you

I think, I can do that

So I am

loved this talk in conference

Preparing for Conference

In preparation for conference I read all of the past Church News. Here was one of my favorite Quotes and was written just for me at this time.

stay in the boat, god knows your circumstances

Red Mountian Resort

Two thumbs up for Red Moutain Resort. I got away this weekend to St George.
Nothing like Conference, Sunshine and complete relaxation to help you understand and listen to the big plan.
Red Mountain was more than I had hoped for. It was beautiful, quiet and they provided excellent customer care.
I would recommend it to everyone!
What did I learn when I was there. There is more to Gods plan and I need to learn to be patience and lean back and enjoy the scenery. There is beauty all around and I need not to worry and let what ever is going to happen -- happen.
I had prepared for confernece and was VERY surprized ( although I should not be) that many and I do mean many of the talks were just for me.

Message from Heaven

To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."

It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone.
As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on.
I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."

God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight.
God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years
because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears.
But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain.
Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned.
But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er.
I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb;
but together we can do it by taking one day at a time.
It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too...
that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.

If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain,
then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain."
And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile,
knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low,
just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go.
When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free,
remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me.

Every Morning.........

I find the strength to make it another day without you .
I think of you often and remember all the things we use to do and the fun we had.
Now those days are gone and all I can do is cling to the memories of a time long since past.
I cherish those times and hold them close to my heart.
Our love knows no boundaries as my love for you continues to grow more and more.

It is just too ironic

Today is Friday.
I have volunteered or railroaded my family into being the person to take my grandma to her hair appointment, grocery store and lunch today. She has been going on Friday at 10:00 am for the past 20 plus years. It is the same stylist, the same hair cut, the same color and she still still pays ten bucks for the service. ( no tip)
It is a work day for me and I have been up for hours trying to get in as much work as possible before I leave. Not thinking, I placed my 9:00 call on my old home land line so I could use the hand free feature as I put on makeup and get dressed. The call goes too long and I am not mobile but stuck at home on the call.
Leaving late, I plan to make up time but going a little faster than normal to her house. I head out on 2200 West and right in front of me is another car, going less than the speed limit. The other lane is full and I cannot pass.
Just a bit frustrated, I notice the car contains 2 older women.
My immediate thought:
Oh good grief, 2 grandmas on their way to their hair appointment without a care in the world and taking their time because they are chatting so much.....just shoot me now!!!!.
Then I thought-- Hey wait a minute.... in just a moment, it will be my car that holds two old grandma's on their way to their hair appointment and we will not have a care in the world except to get our Caramel espresso freeze and to chat.
When did I get to be one of those grandma's in the car?????
And who will I tick off as I pay more attention to my grandma than the road.

Needless to say.
I arrived late to grandma's house
we arrived ( fashionably ) late to the hair appointment
we had not a care in the world
and I told grandma my story and we both laughed
Yes, ironically I am now the old grandma in the car in front of you driving slow on my way to my hair appointment.

Shoot me now!

I choose beautiful.

Happy 4 year old Birthday Kinley

All Kinley asked me for was fake eyelashes
Don't they look great on her!!!!

if only

AUNT HEATHER!!!

Aunt Heather was sick on Sunday and they went home in a rush and she left her glamour magazine. Last night when Kyler was here, he was looking through the magazine and had a bad case of the giggles. He had to keep showing his dad and me "yet another " picture of the girls! I told him his uncle Matt use to giggle when you said the word "boobies" and he just rolled on the ground laughing. Guess now Kyler is eight we need to watch what is just laying around the house.

Book Reviews

One of my goals for 2002 is to write a book review on the books I read this year. I love to read. Sadly you have to read many bad books to find and realize a good book. 2012 is not off to a very good start with 2 bad books and only one good book read so far.
Two thumbs down goes to WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT KEVIN BY LIONEL SHRIVER.
I am not sure what was so appealing about this book that I bought it. It has taken me a few months to finish it. It is letters written by the mother of a teenage boy, who murdered his fellow high school students, workers and a teacher. She is writing to her husband and goes through their life together and how she felt. It is mixed with her visits and relationship to her son as it changes.
It is too sad of a book and does not have a Happy ending.
Two thumbs down also goes to Ishmael by Daniel Quinn. I might be too much of a skimmer to read the deep meaning in this book. But it was just too weird for me. An old gorilla communicates with a man about how we should work with nature instead of against it.
Two thumbs up for THE SEVEN WONDERS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE by Glenn Beck. This is a positive upbeat book with more than 7 things you can take away from it for a better life.
Two thumbs up for The weight of Silence by Heather Gudenhauf. It was one of the best written books I have read in a while. It is our book club book tonight and I am anxious to talk about it.

Where have you been?

I have been in many places, but I've never been in

Cahoots. Apparently, you can't go alone. You have to be in

Cahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes

you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport,

you have to be driven there. I have made several trips

there, thanks to my friends, family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump,

and I'm not too much on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and

I try not to visit there too often.

I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important

to stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm

getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really

gets the adrenalin flowing and pumps up the old heart! At

my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, and I don't remember what

country I was in. It's an age thing.

PLEASE DO YOUR PART!

Today is one of the many National Mental Health Days

throughout the year. You can do your bit by remembering to

send an e-mail to at least one unstable person. My job is

done!

Life is too short for negative drama & petty things. So

laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly! From one

unstable person to another... I hope everyone is happy in

your head - we're all doing pretty good in mine!

Wonder girl Super Hero day at school

Grandma Red says she is Stinkin' cute

Valentines 2012

Thank you Hunter, Ambree and Amy for lunch and valentines
Thank you Lily and Luke for decorating my room with valentines
Thank you Kyler and Kinley for Buca for dinner and valentines
Thank you West Jordan Achievment day girls for Valentines and cookies
Thank you Tami for my favorite valentine cookies
Thank you Lori for the Valentine treats
Thank you Ric and Ayla for the flower
Thank you sis for the card
Thank you Julie for the kind note
Thank you mom and dad for the card

Everyone tried to make it a nice day for me and show me I was loved.

This is really Amy's story

Just so we do not forget
Colby the streaker
Colby was home and in the nude had gone into the garage to get something out of the freezer
Amy came to the door and Colby ran out of the garage to hide behind the sheds in the back yard
She go to see the whole show
We never will understand the logic on this move

Dear Sister,

thinking about you today too
It is kind of blue day and I am glad I went to the gym
I was thinking today that I started dating Rob when I was 15
Rob was a senior and I was a sophmore at Skyline
We had debate together
He also had all 3 lunches and spent his time in the food court
I remember he warned me before going out that he was not interested in that Mormon stuff
I also remember he kissed me once after smoking out back of the school
I told him to never do that again and he didn't
In November, Jamie was born and in December he was at church for her blessing.
Two months later on valentines day he had given me a little promise ring that was shaped like a rose with a small diamond.
I remember it like it was yesterday
But then I guess you do too because you were there
You have always been there with me

Like father like son

Or the story of how the DeWitt men have a flame for the Craner Women.
My daughter in laws have asked me to write this done so we never forget.

It is summer at Strawberry Reservoir in the mid 70's. Our family has a trailer there and the family has gone up for the weekend to go fishing. There are the married couples Steven and Cathy, Rob and I, Dianna and John and the rest of mom and dad's kids. The trailer cannot hold everyone so the girls sleep inside and the guys sleep outside.
I started out on the bottom bunk but for some reason we all switch beds during the night.
Early the next morning the guys get up to go fishing. Rob sneaks into the trailer and says good bye, even though he thinks I am acting funny , he plants a great big kiss on the lips , as I bend out the top bunk and ask " what are you doing"?
What is he doing? He is kissing my sister in law Cathy with a great big fat juicy one! I was laughing so hard I fell off the bunk!

Years later as we have all grown and have kids of our own.

Colby is on Internet chatting it up and hooking up with friends and new chicks.
He gets a hot one on the line. She is local, sounds funny, they have a lot in common. As the conversation proceeds, Colby thinks he has a real HOT one. A little bit more conversation and he finds out the hot chick he has been eyeing happens to be his cousin Marian ( Cathy's daughter) He ends the conversation.

It is so nice to have such a close family.

Hey - it's raining on my new car!!!!!!

Painful memories

I remember when Linda moved into our neighborhood. Brian and her were the perfect couple. They were so in love, loved their beautiful kids and were dirt poor like the rest of us. Her son Chris was the same age as Matt and Shannon was the same age as Brent. She was involved at school and church so we became instant friends. Linda was extremely talented. She wrote her own music and sang like an angel. My most favorite songs were the ones she composed about Mary, the mother of Jesus. There was a group of us in the ward that partied together, Linda and Brian were always there. I treasure the many happy memories of them.
Then Linda got sick. She had cancer. She needed to take care of herself. But at this same time, she had left baby Adam downstairs in the washroom when she ran upstairs for something. Adam spilt the clorox and it burned his bottom and legs. Linda was devastated. She attended to all of Adams needs and ignored her own medical condition. When Adam was healed it was too late for Linda. She tried to get better but could not.
She wrote letters for her kids, she tried to remember all the milestones that would happen in their lives and recorded a personal note for each one. She drew pictures, wrote songs and spent quality time with friends and family. I remember her having a sleep over with all the girlfriends where she bore her testimony and love for each of us.
Her funeral was one of the saddest events I have ever attended. The church was filled with people wailing , moaning and sobbing.
When the bishop got up the podium, he chaste the guests and said that we were all keeping Linda here as she was trying to sooth us and that she needed to move on to her heaven mission. The bishop asked all to let her go. The whole atmosphere changed. You felt her leave. At the grave, you could feel her watching from afar but she was leaving us. She was saying goodbye.
Brian was left with the care of 4 kids and he struggled. They had physical and mental needs that would have been overwhelming for one person. He was a hard worker at Smith's in the Avenue but the kids, medical bills, and every day living was too much. For years he got by. I do not know how he did it. The ward brought in meals, they tended the kids, people cleaned his house, there was a lot of help but it was never enough.
Brian could not get over losing Linda. He kept everything in the house the same. Nothing was ever moved or taken out.
He had meet a young women and they started dating. It looked like maybe he would be able to start again. Maybe he was healing. Maybe it would get better.
But that was wrong.
One night Brian bought gasoline. He filled every teacup, bowl, sink, glass with gas and placed them all around the house while the kids were sleeping. He had plans of burning the whole house with everyone in it.
He was dressed in Linda's clothes. Chris had woken up and was watching cartoons, when his dad , dressed in his mothers clothes came into the room. It scared Chris and he actually thought at first that Brian was his aunt. Brian told Chris to get the other kids and to get out of the house NOW. Chris was so scared that he got the kids and went next door to the neighbors.
Brian did set the house on fire and took his life. Luckily at the last moments of his decision,the kids were spared.
They were alone, parent less, penniless and eventually were divided up by family members.
So is the story about Josh Powell painful. Yes it is. It opens up that place in my heart that had healed. A story about those I love that was filed away.
For days our whole ward was in shock.
Then a miracle happened for the kids and the ward. A letter was sent to the family from the presidency of the church. It was signed by the prophet. I do not have the exact words but I certainly remember the message.
It was a message of love for the family
Deep regret for their loss
and about forgiveness.
I remember it telling the kids that Brian would be judged for all the good things he had done in life and not just this one act. That the lord knew the intent of his heart and as a son of god he would be treated as such.
What a beautiful message. We are not judged for that one moment in time when we are at our worse. We are not condemned because we fell or lost hope and faith.
Our father in heaven knows our heart. The prophets words were : Heavenly Father awaited Brian with open arms as did his eternal sweetheart Linda.
I do not know enough about the Powell family to even begin to understand but I know Heavenly father is the same and the gospel is the same. I pray there will be peace for them all and for us.

Two Sisters

My baby sister Dianna and I have spend our whole lives together. I do not remember a time when she was not there by my side. And as my Father has pointed out, we do everything together.
While growing up we were inseparable.
We were married months apart.
Had our first child weeks apart.
And now have lost our husbands within the same year.
When Loren passed away I was able to be there for her during the first days but had prior work plans that made it so I missed the funeral. My sister has been away on prior plans during Rob's passing and will miss the funeral but I am so looking forward to her returning home soon to be with me. She may not be here physically for the funeral but I see and feel her every day. She is in my heart.

As much as we are the same, we are so different.

Loren passed away quickly and it was a shock.
Rob passed away slowly and we had time to plan and prepare.
I look at the two circumstances and wonder why.

I keep thinking back to when my grandma passed away. My grandpa gave me grandma's ring and Dianna grandma's necklace. Dianna and I were talking one day and she said she wanted to make the necklace into a ring and I said I wanted to make my ring into a necklace. We both just laughed. I have kept my ring and wear it every day.

You get what you get and you don't throw a fit.
I beleive in my heart, we were given these two similiar trials because it is what is right for us. So much the same, so different and so grateful to have each other.

love you sis

Back to the Gym

I was anxious to get back to the Gym. I was able to go on Saturday and Sunday, when there is usually no one there but today- there were people there.
I had forgotten about all those new years resolutioners newbies who are now at the gym. Adding to the issue, the lap pool is CLOSED, so all those lappers were in the "girls" pool too.
It was exhausting. First, it makes me tired because for some competitive reason, I try to keep up with them. They beat me hands down every time. Then in additional to the faster speeds, they rough up the water and it is like swimming in a tsunami.
I was exhausted before my 1 1/2 hour was up.
Luckily the three guys in the pool who were doing jumps and taking pictures of each other doing it, provided quite the entertainment to keep jogging at least.
I can only hope they were filming so they could improve their technique, With Newbies it is hard to predict.
A few more weeks and it will all be back to normal.

No- the Master plan is not ruined

Holly and I have always kept the "big" plan in the back of our minds. We have not gotten to it YET but it is so sweet, we have kept the dream alive.
Here is how it goes:
There are 2 house on the same street across from each other. Holly and I live in one house and Terry and Rob live in the other house.
Holly and my house is clean, there is healthy food, and lots of books to read. We have the grand kids over and spoil them to death, buying everything they want and we do what we want. There is no teasing in this house.
Terry and Rob live in the house across the street with their hunting and fishing crap. They keep diet coke, chips and dip in the fridge. The TV is always on with a football game or a hunting show. They keep crazy hours and do what they want.
Every now and then we get together with the boys and have a date night, we go out to eat, see a movie or drive around.
The kids come over often and we spend hours and hours of fun times with them.
We are one great big happy family.
It is perfect. As close to heaven as you can get on earth.

Sadly now the plan has to be modified a bit. Here is the only change: Terry just has to live alone. Sorry Terry, you can take it up with Rob later.

Dance girls

Kin's first snowman

It has been tough to find any snow here in Utah
Looks like the U got a lot more than West Jordan.

Hunter and grandma's conversation in the car

Hunter was headed home with me tonight after Ambree's dance.

H: Do you have any more treats?
G: YES I do, I have some kisses, do you like them?
H: I do not know let me see
( package of kisses to passed from the purse to the back seat)
H: Can I throw the paper out the window?
G: YES I guess you can ( grandma's always say yes)
H: wouldn't that be littering
G: YES, it would, would you like to put it in my purse
H: Here grandma- ( passing up the foil)
H: do you know what I am going to do?
G: no what
H: tonight when my parents go to bed, I am going to go sneak out into the garage and get in the car and drive to your house, so we can eat some more of the kisses.
G: Yes I would like that. If you drive to grandma's I will share everything with you
H: Even your house
G: YES Hunter even my house
H: I love you grandma , you are the best grandma ever

Grandmas always say yes and this is why

Frodo misses Blue

Sadly there is no much to do here at home that after Blue destroyed our home, ate the Christmas ornaments, chewed up the gingerbread men, left several loads on the front room carpet, pee'd in the bed, gnawed on grandma Christmas blanket and threw the dirty clothes around while we were at the hospital --- I had to say Uncle.
Brent was taking care of the food and water but the all day and night barking and worrying about Blue was too much. Brent found him a good home but Frodo has been so lonely.
It is not the same and I miss him. I know it makes Rob sad too.
He was a good dog and brought a lot of joy to our family.

Missing Christmas

Dragons breath Kata master!!!

Hunters first stripe

Hunter is the best karate guy around!