Painful memories

I remember when Linda moved into our neighborhood. Brian and her were the perfect couple. They were so in love, loved their beautiful kids and were dirt poor like the rest of us. Her son Chris was the same age as Matt and Shannon was the same age as Brent. She was involved at school and church so we became instant friends. Linda was extremely talented. She wrote her own music and sang like an angel. My most favorite songs were the ones she composed about Mary, the mother of Jesus. There was a group of us in the ward that partied together, Linda and Brian were always there. I treasure the many happy memories of them.
Then Linda got sick. She had cancer. She needed to take care of herself. But at this same time, she had left baby Adam downstairs in the washroom when she ran upstairs for something. Adam spilt the clorox and it burned his bottom and legs. Linda was devastated. She attended to all of Adams needs and ignored her own medical condition. When Adam was healed it was too late for Linda. She tried to get better but could not.
She wrote letters for her kids, she tried to remember all the milestones that would happen in their lives and recorded a personal note for each one. She drew pictures, wrote songs and spent quality time with friends and family. I remember her having a sleep over with all the girlfriends where she bore her testimony and love for each of us.
Her funeral was one of the saddest events I have ever attended. The church was filled with people wailing , moaning and sobbing.
When the bishop got up the podium, he chaste the guests and said that we were all keeping Linda here as she was trying to sooth us and that she needed to move on to her heaven mission. The bishop asked all to let her go. The whole atmosphere changed. You felt her leave. At the grave, you could feel her watching from afar but she was leaving us. She was saying goodbye.
Brian was left with the care of 4 kids and he struggled. They had physical and mental needs that would have been overwhelming for one person. He was a hard worker at Smith's in the Avenue but the kids, medical bills, and every day living was too much. For years he got by. I do not know how he did it. The ward brought in meals, they tended the kids, people cleaned his house, there was a lot of help but it was never enough.
Brian could not get over losing Linda. He kept everything in the house the same. Nothing was ever moved or taken out.
He had meet a young women and they started dating. It looked like maybe he would be able to start again. Maybe he was healing. Maybe it would get better.
But that was wrong.
One night Brian bought gasoline. He filled every teacup, bowl, sink, glass with gas and placed them all around the house while the kids were sleeping. He had plans of burning the whole house with everyone in it.
He was dressed in Linda's clothes. Chris had woken up and was watching cartoons, when his dad , dressed in his mothers clothes came into the room. It scared Chris and he actually thought at first that Brian was his aunt. Brian told Chris to get the other kids and to get out of the house NOW. Chris was so scared that he got the kids and went next door to the neighbors.
Brian did set the house on fire and took his life. Luckily at the last moments of his decision,the kids were spared.
They were alone, parent less, penniless and eventually were divided up by family members.
So is the story about Josh Powell painful. Yes it is. It opens up that place in my heart that had healed. A story about those I love that was filed away.
For days our whole ward was in shock.
Then a miracle happened for the kids and the ward. A letter was sent to the family from the presidency of the church. It was signed by the prophet. I do not have the exact words but I certainly remember the message.
It was a message of love for the family
Deep regret for their loss
and about forgiveness.
I remember it telling the kids that Brian would be judged for all the good things he had done in life and not just this one act. That the lord knew the intent of his heart and as a son of god he would be treated as such.
What a beautiful message. We are not judged for that one moment in time when we are at our worse. We are not condemned because we fell or lost hope and faith.
Our father in heaven knows our heart. The prophets words were : Heavenly Father awaited Brian with open arms as did his eternal sweetheart Linda.
I do not know enough about the Powell family to even begin to understand but I know Heavenly father is the same and the gospel is the same. I pray there will be peace for them all and for us.