A prayer

It is hard to sing of oneness when our world is not complete, when those who once brought wholeness to our life have gone, and naught but memory can fill the emptiness their passing leaves behind.
But memory can tell us only what we were, in company with those we loved: it cannot help us find what each of us, alone, must now become. Yet no one is really alone: those who live no more, echo still within our thoughts and words, and what they did is part of what we have become.
We do best homage to them when we live our lives most fully even in the shadow of our loss.
author unknown

I was watching Corina, Corina the other day. One of my most favorite movies of all time. I relate to the young girl who lost mother. I remember the same feelings, words, actions from when I was young. In the movie the little girl states that she wants to die. How well I remember that feeling.
Right after we bought our first home, I served in the Relief Society Presidency as second counselor. During this time, a father of 9 children was out jogging and died. I still remember visiting the wife. She was devastated and keep telling us she wanted to die. It bothered me and I went to my mother and asked her if she had felt the same way when our dad had passed away. She told me that she had never felt that way as she was all that us kids had left and she had a strong desire to live.

I have lost many loved one since my dad and many I miss terribly. But it is that feeling of loneliess that makes me still "want to die". Sometimes the emptiness is so great, so vast that I cannot get past it. I have been doing geneology and the desire is so strong to be with them again. Not only are they missed on this side of the vail but the other side of the vail is just as empty without "us" the us that we were together. I can feel their pull. I desire to be with them.

The world is so dark and I am drawn to the light again and again. I realize I am here on my own mission and will be able to return to my Father, Mother and my brother Jesus when it is completed. I am willing and able to find the path to be what I can become. It is just sometimes, I wonder................