Cruise review-- here it is

By now the story has lost some of its bling and I am already tired of being teased but know I must write anyway. So here it goes – Cruise 2009
Well the flight from SLC to Panama City is a long one, especially if you make stops in Detroit and Atlanta to change planes. I had my wonderful little orange pills to keep me under and had bought Rob a Nintendo to keep him busy so I slept most of the time uninterrupted.
Nothing is sweeter than to get off the plane in a foreign country where no one speaks English. But luckily I had arranged to be picked up by the hotel at the airport so after we came through customs there was our guy with his little sign that said Mr. And Mrs. Debbi Dewitt. We were loading up the bags into the car when I remember we had three bags not two so Rob had to get back into the airport to get our third bag; you know the one with all our shoes and bathroom items in it. Whew- we were lucky there. The ride to the hotel was longer than expected but we arrived with 30 minutes and were anxious to get to our room. It was Saturday night and the hotel band was playing loud and long. ( Spanish tones- some of my favorites-NOT) we checked in and got our few $20.00 of drinks coupons and $20.00 in gambling token then headed to the room. It was early 50’s but clean. We dropped every thing and made plans to get some thing to eat. After having only three helping of cookies and soda pop all day we were hungry. The great thing about the hotel was they had a sushi bar and we were anxious to try it until we saw the fish. Now we are both adventurists but not stupid, dead and rotten is not my idea of a good meal. So we opted for the restaurant which offers pigs feet, cow stomach and a few other items we had never tried. Then we just kind of moseyed over to spend our free gambling money. Rob won and doubled the money so we quickly left and went back to the room feeling full and like winners- what a great way to start a vacation. Sadly when we got back to the room, the door was WIDE open. We knew we had been robbed and with my first look into my purse—every penny was gone. I was headed down to get security—(don’t know why I did not think to call), when Rob reminded me that my passport and other ID might be missing too. I ran back to check. We had already decided we would be fine with out the cash as we had money in our account to take care of the trip but without ID we were not going anyway—including back home. Upon second investigation of my purse –WALA—there was our money and MY ENTIRE ID. It turns out we had left the door open and since the elevator only allowed access to the floor where you had a room, we had been lucky and nothing was gone, except maybe our pride-
We slept well and had a free brunch the next morning that was great. Another day so we had another $20.00 of free drinks. We were downing them at the pool. Rob and his diet coke, me and my ice tea. It was the best ice tea ever. I had to get the recipe. It was 1/3 cup lime juice, 1/3 cup liquid sugar, add instant tea mix. 3 or 4 cubes and 1/2 cup water—it was to die for!!!! I have bought the ingredients at home but not made it yet. It loses some luster when you have to fix it your self.
About 2:00 we left for the boat. It is about a 1 ½ hour trip from Panama to Colon so we got a cab ($60.00) to take us. It was a trip through the cement jungle of town to the green jungle of panama. The green jungle was lush and green but sadly this was where the poverty was too. People lived in shacks, lean to, cinder block one room house. There is no power, running water, toilets and the water is caught in a 50 gallon drum out back. The water is used several time—First you wash the food with water, then you cook it in the same water, the you wash the dishes in the same water and after that you might use the water to wash your self and or your clothes or both if it has not rained for awhile. People were all out waiting for the bus to come by—no shoes- some clothes- and a bag.
Colon is scaring. It is like Tijuana but worse. The cruise port is fenced off and we had to show our ID to even get into the port. It was dirty and I was anxious to get on the boat. It was A little scary at the desk as the Spanish speaking clerk could not find us. During check in we picked up a pair of sunglasses—they were expensive and the rep kept telling me they were mine and I said nope but in the end, I ended up with them. I think the American term for them is OAKLEY. We finally checked in—please do not ever believe them when they say you can do it all on line. I do it every time and every time we have to do it again at the port. We slide past the getting on the boat picture crew and got to our room. Although smaller than the pictures on the Internet it was clean and our luggage was already there so we were set. Quick change of clothes and we were off to the pool. Let the adventure begin.
First thing we notice different from other cruises is there is hand sanitizer every where and a ship mate making sure you use it. We bought Rob’s soda pass ($40.00) and we were set for the day. The buffet has ample food to get us till our assigned dinner time at 7:00. Now there are already people on the ship that have not boarded so as we do our ship drill not everyone is included. Still the ship seems empty and there is not a crowd any where. At dinner, we sit alone and several tables remain empty as they will through the whole cruise. Our waiters have to focus only on us so rather than a 2 hour meal, we are out in less than 45 minutes each night.
Now is when it really starts to set in what a Spanish cruise is, here is a list;
A Spanish cruise means
All the menus - Spanish
All the bingo- Spanish
All the MC’s- Spanish
All the music – Spanish
All the movies and TV shows – Spanish
Karaoke- Spanish
Battle of the sexes- Spanish
Hum—this is going to be a bit more difficult than I had expected. Still we do find about 10 people on the boat from the USA and like us they do not speak Spanish. And in the old tradition of “it’s a small world” one of the workers on the boat passes Rob , sees his U hat and talks to him and yeap, you guessed it, he is from West Jordan, Utah. And his first question is, what in the heck are we doing on a Spanish cruise??? Good one. With only one answer, it was cheap—we send him on his way—we don’t want to ruin the experience.
Now before the trip Rob who swore he would NEVER go to Columbia, he agree to come but not get off the boat but we has booked an excursion in Cartagena. The excursion is canceled due to no one else signing up. So as we dock we jump off the boat with the rest of the crew and head through the shipping yard about one mile to the fenced area. We are on side of the fence and on the other side are the hoard of cab drivers who all to take us for a ride. By the way this is exactly what the travel bureau said NOT TO DO. While I am looking around Rob not only locates one of the 5 couples on the boat from the US and speak English and has lined up a driver with a “van” to take us on a mini tour of the city for a mere $40,00 per couple. And we agree to do it. The van is just a bit bigger than a mini coop but we load and head to the FORT. The driver never leaves us alone and we pay $7.00 each to get in – past all the street vendors and then climb to the top- look down and climb back down. You seen one fort- you have seen them all. This is where they turned right and I went left and gave every one a heart attack as they thought I was a goner. Then it was off to the church and paid $3.00 to get a tour in an area that would fit in my back yard. See a table, a bed, some picture then – swish—you’re out of there. We load up again and head to shopping. Ten stores 30 minutes- done. We are all sweating like pigs here. Then we drive to the mall which was a huge 12 stores. Then to the Emerald store- I think he got a spiff if we bought some thing- then to the top of the mountain to the monastery. This time we were smart enough not to pay to get it. So back in the van and head back down the hill, we say where to now- his response – there is nothing left to see—hum – back to boat.
Another night of Spanish entertainment and TV... More people boarded the boat today so there was another drill.
Day Two is in Santa Marta. We had already decided to NOT get off the boat here so Rob went to the gym and we both went to the spa. The boat left at 4:00 pm so about three o’clock we decided what the heck and went to take a look. Again we are in the shipping yard and need to walk a mile to get to 4 or five small vendors and a fences area where the taxis are parked. There are several Police there so we ask if we can get out of the fence. They do not understand English so they get a taxi driver. We tell him we want to go across the street and he wants to know hwy we would want to do that? I tell him I want to buy a shoot glass. We are told a taxi will take us shopping for $5.00 there-- $5.00 back. Since it is the only way we are going to get out, we agree and get in the cab. The cabbie drives three blocks and we get out in a local market. He shows me – sun glasses—so much for interruptions. We finally get some thing and since the driver will not let us out of his sight we decided to go back to the boat. He wants to drive us around but Rob says NO. It seemed like Rob was going to have to violent as the driver went around and around the block but finally took us back to the enclosure. We were just glad to be back.
Every night our dining experience is wonderful but short. And there is not enough to do.
Day three and we are in Aruba! Yeah! We had signed up for De Palma Island again and this time there are only 10 of on the bus. It was wonderful. We had the whole island ourselves. The food was great, the diving unbelievable. It was as good as I remembered last year. On the way back the bus driver let of off in town so we could shop our way back to the boat.
It was definitely off season.
Day four, Caracas (La Guaira), Venezuela.. What a beautiful place and they are making so many beautiful additions. The port was beautiful and we hurried over to the floating bridge and to the only international market that is on the sea. There are many nice shops here and great shopping. We had hoped to get some interesting food but it was a little rough for us…Pig nose, pig feet, fish fins, cow hoof and a bunch of other stuff that was not appealing at all. There were some great street bands and we almost jumped on the fun bus but they keep talking about the free drinks and we decided to pass.
Day five Bonaire. Last year we had been there on the Queens birthday and everything was closed. This year we went out to small Bonaire and did some snorkeling. It was fun but different. There were mostly schools of white fish as the beach was white and the water dropped off so fast it was scary. The pictures we took make it look unbelievable. We had a good time and again we were on a ship that could take 75 but there were 9 of us. It was pretty exclusive. Shopping was good with a lot of close outs as the ships stop coming in a few weeks.
Day Six was on the ship. Tan – tan – tan
Now here is where you evaluate the cruise. It was obvious 99 % of the people were Columbian. They are different than us. Here are some things that were different. Usually when we are on a ship, everyone tried to obey the rules, there is nothing out of line or “reportable” However on this cruise, and it was not this way. The sign said no one under two in the pools— they had all the babies in the pool. The sign said no food off the boat- -they were carting the stuff off boat in such quantity that the crew had to search every bag. There were boxes of food that had been confiscated. The sign say no food out of the buffet but the food area had plates, cups, silver ware scattered every where so again they posted a crew member outside and did not allow any food out. American book excursion and allow the cruise line to take responsibility. According to the crew, only the Americans booked excursions and that is why they had to cancel so many. American seem to gamble and drink, which are all extra charges on the boat, the Columbia’s do not. These areas were bare. The main dining was at least half empty as the Columbia’s choice of dinning was the buffet. The buffet was not large enough to accommodate the people and they constantly announced to please leave when you were finished eating. Twice we had to stand and eat.
There were no midnight buffets; there were no lunches in the main dining room. There were limited buffer hours too. Three times we wanted to go to the buffet and it was closed. There was half the activities we have seen on other boats, no tours , no cooking demos, and no horse races.
But the real trip downer was the cleaning.
The ship was drenched with sanitizer. At first it seemed like the workers would wipe it down but then it was just a full drench. Every time you touched a hand rail- yuck. Every time you leaned on a wall, handrail or in the bathroom—yuck you got slimmed. It was a slippery ugly mess. And it did not need to be. If they would have just followed up with a rag, it would have made all the difference in the world. But they did not. I took some picture so show just how ugly it was—after seeing ships so clean it was a real bummer.
Day seven back to Panama. And back to our same hotel. However on our way back Rob asked the cab driver if we could stop at a bathroom. She said yes and pulled into a one pump gas station. Rob went to get out and she said she had to go with him. He asked if I needed to go and I said no way. The cabbie locked me in the car and went with Rob to the bathroom. She locked me in the car. The bathroom di d not have a door nor a toilet. It had a hole. The cabbie brought Rob back to the car and Rob was asking her about the bathroom. He asked what do you do if you have to do something else but pee, she said that would be the other bathroom. He asked " the other bathroom" Yes the one behind the bushes. SHe then locked us both in the car while she bougth her loto tickets. It was quieter now at the hotel it was not the weekend. We wanted to venture out to a local restaurant and were told there was a great one five minutes away—we said we would walk and they told us under no circumstances should we walk—we needed to a cab. For five minutes—yeap, so we ate at the hotel.
Coming home was a journey and they did offer us $600.00 in Delta money and dinner and nights lodging to stay but neither of us wanted to stay.
Sadly we had plane issues on the way home and might have been a better choice to stay. Our plan leaving Atlanta had a leak in the hydraulics and so we had to get off. Because of the delay we would not make our flight in Detroit so they booked us to go to Houston and then home. But the Delta lady did not do it right so when we went to get on the flight to Houston to SLC there was no room so then we went to the Delta desk and they got us on the red eye back to SLC. We got in 4 hours later than planned but our luggage did not arrive until the next day. Oh well, we still got home. And we are tan and rested. And still anxious to go again— Maine or bust!